I'm so sorry!! I take forever to update this lately. I'm horrible at this thing. I've been soo effing busy lately that it's been hard to just sit and take time to write in here. Well, I've been amazingly great lately. Summer has been going on for about two weeks now. I graduated on Saturday!! Which was such a great feeling. The ceremony was extremely short which was fantastic. It was only about an hour. I was very excited to have that. My boyfriend, Nick, gave the best speech. He gave the past speech and didn't just tell a bunch of inside jokes that only his friends would understand which was awesome, because what fun is that?? Instead, he talked about our past years and how life has changed since we all met in Elementary school or Middle school. It's so weird to think about that. Weve been in school together for 12 years.... scary. Well I'm just really happy that it's all over. Finally.

I'm in the summer play Anything Goes!! It's really fun. I'm an "angel" which is one of the backup singers to the lead Reno. It's going to be wicked fun because there's tap dancing involved and I'm excited. I've always wanted to learn to tap dance. And plus, all of the people that are in it are amazing. They're so much fun and I've learned sooo much from them. I don't know the last time I posted, but I got a scholarship from this theatre company which was awesome. It was nice to hear that they appreciate what I've put into this theatre.

We had our last band and choir concerts. Those were sad... really sad. But all I thought about was that I'll be going into even better choirs in school and those will be a lot more rewarding than this effing music department. It's been so sad how this music department went down the shitter these past few years. Especially this past year with choir... Lord... it's been awful. Mrs. Ploof can suck my butt. She's just an idiot and the whole choir situation gets me so worked up and pissed off. I don't even wanna get into it or else I'll get all worked up and pissed off... so change of subject!

Things have just been overall really good. I've been having a lot of bonfires this summer. We have barbecues with my friends and play bocce ball which is so much fun. I'm just really excited about my group of friends. i guess it's just nice to be able to have an awesome time with them and not have to rely on a substance to have a good time.. aka drinking or something. It's really awesome. and I do have the best time with them too. For instance, today, Nick, Heather, Kasey and I went to the Como Zoo in St. Paul and it was so much fun!! We just left in the morning and had an awesome time. I love it! We go to the lake... well I haven't been there yet but we will. We also have plans for canoeing and all that fun stuff. It's going to be an awesome, unforgettable summer.

I'm missing MN Brass.... I know, it's horrible. I love it though.... Well, the rehearsals were so brutal and I hated going, but now that I'm not in it, it's like I miss it so much. I miss getting yelled at, and the latenight rehearsals in the parking lots. I miss stopping at the gross gas station to get some form of food after rehearsal with Kim and Josh. I miss DCA.... and how amazing that whole trip was. I'll never forget the friendships that I formed this past summer. Those friendships are so genuine that I truly cherish every one of them. I'll never forget the amazing time I had with Chris. It was awesome, staying up all night at the hotel watching the highway ontop of that hill talking until the sun rose. But we stayed up even though we had rehearsal in 3 hours and hadn't slept in a really long time.... but the funny thing is is that we only knew each other for about a day.... The people in drum corps are so genuine and so just... amazing. you have to experience it for yourself to understand.

I have orientation next week. I have placement testing on Monday and then orientation on Tuesday. I'm not really excited lol. I'm just kinda dreading it. I'm nervous for the placement testing because I know that I will suck and I'm kind of nervous for the whole orientation thing because it's going to become sooo incredibly real that I'm going to freak out. Is it bad that i'm so nervous ??? I'm scared of growing up. I've been waiting for this summer for 4 years... I've been so excited for college and moving away. It's going to be awesome, I know it will be... but it's just scary all at the same time. I'm not going to have my mom and dad to give me a hug every night. That sounds so childish.... but it's true. I'm going to be so homesick... I dunno. I think I'll be alright because I know that I make friends really easily because I'm not really shy ;) so they say lol... but I'm just nervous for the whole idea of being away and how hard college is going to be. My parents told me that my brothers set the bar high and that I need to meet their standards... my brothers are both on the dean's list.... oh Lord... Ok, i'm not going to worry about it. I have all summer to party and have an awesome time! Right?

I got my dorm assignment!! I'm in the only hall that I didn't want to be in! The All Girls dorm.... Oh My Lord... that's like estrogen fest gone crazy. I'm going to cry myself to sleep every night. I need boys!!!!!! They keep me sane!!!!!


Ookay....I think it's time for a nap.... but before I go! My grad party is this Saturday from noon - 4!! Show up or I will disown you as a friend! Jk I'll love you no matter what.... ;)

"For All We Know..."

~Megs

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

The end of my high school years are fast approaching. I've always known that I would graduate, move on, go to college, be able to make my own decisions, move away from my childhood and enter the new chapter of my life. I've just never realized how incredibly close it is. I'm so incredibly excited but yet so amazingly scared all at the same time. I love the fact that I'll finally be a little independent and be able to do things my way and not have to worry about calling my parents to check in as to where I am or be home by midnight. It's my adulthood that I'll be in... finally. It's insane. I mean, yeah I've been looking forward to this since I finally graduated from my 6th grade class, my cute little cap and gown, my parents telling me that I'm finally becoming a young adult, I can actually have a boyfriend, go to boy-girl parties, have actual homework, and not stay in one classroom for the whole day being called "little people". It felt like I was finally gaining some respect and independence. Then freshman year came when I was able to experience the first dates, first kisses, first makeouts lol, first drunken parties, first long-distance relationships, being around "big people" and becoming a teenager, liscenses... it was a world that I had been looking forward to for a long time. I felt like I was an adult, I wanted to grow up so fast. I counted down the days until I could finally get my permit, then to get my liscense, then actual serious relationships. Everything was approaching that finally labeled me me as a young adult or a "young woman" as my grandmother would call it which made me feel like an idiot. Finally, my Junior year came and it was time for looking for colleges. Everyone was going through soo much stress, along with me. What school?? What major?? What the hell am I doing?? I had a few schools selected but it all seemed like a blur. I knew that i was choosing a future, but it hadn't actually set in, I wasn't playing "House", this was for real. The school that I choose is the school that I will be attending for the next 4 or even 8 years of my life. This is my future. I felt really lost and confused even though I knew that my parents wanted to help and were helping, I just felt like the only person who could make the correct answer was me, and that scared me. Finally my senior year rolled around, GPA's were in, ACT scores were in, and now it was making it official... applications. The horrible, dreadful applications. It meant spending time working on them... writing essays, getting letters of recommendations, scary. All of my friends celebrated after we finally got those bitches in the mail. Then it was waiting for them. I've never felt so stressed out before in my life. Not only was I waiting to hear back if I got accepted, but at every single effing family organization, everyone would ask "so what are your plans for next year?" "What school are you going to?" "What do you want to do with the rest of your life"!! It was horrible. It made the entire "growing up" situation worse. "rest of your life"... it was so scary. It still is to be honest. So anyway... now I know exactly where I'm going and I thought I knew exactly what I was goingi to do. It was a set plan. Go to UWEC for my music eduation degree, then go to Boston for grad school so that I can instruct college choirs. Now it's all a blur. I've always wanted to be a midwife. The whole idea of being with a woman during her pregnancy, helping her through the rought times and then finally delivering a miracle. It would just be an amazing job and amazing experience. I've always wanted to, but I never thought that I had the potential. I mean yeah, I could maybe get through some of the classes, but actually be able to do it?? I've just never thought that it was a possibility for me. Music has always been something that I've been good at. I've never really had to work extremely hard to be successful. I don't mean to sound concieted but it's true. I just don't think it would be challenging. And even if I do become a midwife, it's not like I'm throwing away my music, I can always perform and I can always sing, it's not like I'm completely throwing my talents out the window. It's more or less just a hobby. I just feel like this is my calling to become a midwife. It just seems like such an amazing job. I don't know anymore, I know that i have such amazing and supportive friends, I just feel really alone. It's all becoming reality. I'm growing up and even though I've been spending every moment since my 6th grade graduation preparing for the day when I am finally considered an independent adult, I don't think I'm ready....

"For All We Know..."

~Megs

Oh my word, I'm done with school on the 27th!!!! My last day is the 26th!!!!! I'm sooooo excited!! I graduate on June 4th and it's going to be the happiest day of my life!!

This week has been alright. I have an extremely easy schedule, so I haven't been doing ANYTHING in my classes! It's great fun!! Tomorrow I have testing for my AP English class. It's like a 3 or 4 hour test.... ick. But once I take that test tomorrow, I'm done with the class! So then we do absolutely nothing for the rest of the year. That's my only slightly difficult class, so yeah!! It's over after tomorrow!! :) :) :)

What else?

Oh story.... okay. So this past Saturday, I went over to Spencer's cause I was craving a hot tub really badly. So I got there and got into the hot tub with steve and andy. Well, I put my clothes on the floor next to the hot tub and Spencer snuck over and took then and then ran inside. He came back out with my clothes on!!! So I started yelling "Spencer! Take my clothes off!" Well.. you can only imagine how that sounded and now every day, Spencer runs around yelling in the middle of the halls saying "Spencer, take my clothes off!" lol Idiot...

Tomorrow, after the AP testing, I'm heading into Thomson's Greenhouse to get my mom's hanging plant that I get her every year for Mother's Day. After that, I'm going to the softball game at 5 at home. That's in place of mine and Nick's date, we were going to go out to dinner, but we decided that we didn't wanna miss their softball game since the season's ending is fast approaching. So after that, we're going to the spring play production of "Our Town" at 7:29. Then I'm heading home and not doing my homework lol. I've been so bad with homework!! I've jus thad no motivation to do it.... For instance, I'm talking with Nick and he's preparing for the ap english test tomorrow..... yeah, me? Not so much... lol I'm a dork with really bad senioritis.

Well.. I leave you with a song called "Recognize" by Flaw

Well I've had enough of these selfish cries.
I hurt myself again not knowing why.
It seems so easy to leave it all behind,
And avoid the truth.
I think I'd rather just go blind.

Then everything erupts;
My life has come unglued.
And the ties that bind have left me.
What am I to do?

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer.

I think I'm cracking up, like I've lost my mind.
I hurt myself again. Still don't know why.
I end up the same way each and every time.
Can't avoid the truth. There's just nowhere to run and hide.

Then everything erupts, just like I knew it would.
Been down here long enough.
It never felt that good.
Is this what I've become?
My life has come unglued.
And the ties that bind have left me.
What am I to do?

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer than it appears to be right now.

There must be someone I can see.
There's gotta be something for me.
Show it now. Let it go free.
I know it's there, waiting on me.
Let it out. Let it go free.

Can't seem to recognize that stare behind those eyes.
Who is this man I see who's looking back at me?
Can't focus through the pain, and I am fading into nothing.
The reflection must get clearer.

Can't seem to recognize.
Can't seem to recognize.
The reflection must get clearer.

"For All We Know..."

~Megs

Haha... its been a while... sorry. I kept putting it off because I knew I had so much to write about...

I went to New York which was THE BOMB! I had sooo much fun... it would have been more fun if Heerts was there and if my best friends were too. But overall it was a fun trip. We saw pretty much everything which was lots of fun, but really tiring because we did it in 5 days pretty much.... And there was this bogus rule about the guys and girls not being able to go into each other's rooms.... yeah okay.... I did anyway. They threatened to send us home if we did on our own expense.. pretty sure my parents chaperoned and weren't going to send me home lol. Such bullshit. Anyways... It was nice to come home and see all of my other friends again.

Things have just been going really well lately. I've become really close to these three girls, Emily, Heather and Whitney and we've just had a blast together. We have this great group of friends and we always seem to find something to do every night so that we're never bored and we're always together. I dunno, we just seem to always have a blast together... My fav party so far was Whitney's barbecue/bonfire/star gazing in this huge field lol. It was sooo much fun. And of course it isn't a party until spencer takes his shirt off and runs around lol... I love spencer. What an idiot hehehe

Prom was amazing!!! We had such a great time together I can't even describe it. We went out to eat at Anton's which was an awesome resturaunt. We had the back room all to ourselves so it was really secluded and private. We all looked awesome, if you wanna see pictures go to... www.cruzeclan.com and click on Prom 2005. My date of course wore a white tux... we were the hottest ones there. If you notice toward the end of the pictures I have on my dress from last year, that's because the zipper ripped apart at the dance so I went home and changed...no biggie cause I fixed it hehe. The after party was even better. We all went to spencer's and went into his hot tub, played games, and watched movies. It was awesome, I didn't get home until 9 am sunday morning. I think I slept maybe 2 hours??? Yeah.. good party hehe

I dunno, I've just been hanging out with emily, heather and whitney a lot with our whole group of friends which is the bomb. Thursday night was game night, we played Cranium, Twister and Taboo.. I think that's the name. anyway, it was lots of fun, next we're having a Dinner Party. It's going to be a formal party where we have dates and we all get dressed up and have a nice dinner and it'll be really cool. I'm excited :) We have our whole summer planned out pretty much. We made a list of all of the parties that we're going to have. We're going to have a Luau, a whop party hehe, dinner parties, beach party, fifties party yeah it's going to be crazy, the list is huge... oh! and a slip 'n slide party too lol remember those bitches??? It's going to be awesome, put that baby on Emily's dock and just fly off of it omg.. excitement!

Relationship status is still single and things are going insane...... I dunno.... we'll see what happens I guess...

Until then... I need some sleep, I just got home from spencer's in his hot tub, playing pool and watching Boondock Saints... so I'll write later!!

"For All We Know"

~Megs